Overwhelming Dental Fear

I’m about to take you on a five-part recount of my life. My life has been filled with many ups and downs, including many triumphs and many failures, but the biggest triumph of my life to date was finally getting over my fear of dentists. It was only yesterday that I conquered my lifelong fear, and I’m going to take you back to the start of it, so you know just how much of a big deal this really is.

My fear of dentists started when I was six years old and it became apparent that my back molars weren’t going to form properly. They did X-rays and all that kind of stuff, which scared me enough as it was, but what really threw me over the edge was when they told my parents that I needed cosmetic dentistry services which involved needles and fillings and all-around terror. It was just too much for six year old me. I saw the massive needle they were about to put in my mouth and ran for the door faster than I had ever run before. I’ll never get the image of that gun looking thing out of my mind, even twenty years on.

About a year later I needed dental implants. Bayside, where I lived when I was young, was a great place to be, but the dentists were so on top of my treatment that I was petrified. I couldn’t help but think that they just liked sticking things in my mouth and making it go numb. I begged my parents not to make me get the implants because I seriously thought I’d die on the dentist’s chair. My fear got less intense over the years, seeing as I did eventually stop believing that I’d die from dental work, but it lingered in the front of my mind up until I conquered it yesterday. 

How did I conquer my fear you ask? See part two.

Changed My Mind

After my most recent blog post, I received a lot of hate messages. I claimed that the new direction of Sponge Boy was terrible and that it was spitting on the original concept of the show. My readers were quick to tell me that I was clearly just holding onto my nostalgic view of the old show, refusing to look for any good elements of the new show. I was told to watch the film that just came out without judging it so harshly, so I actually did.

And you know what? I’ll admit that I was wrong on this one. I still hate the idea of CGI Policeman Sam, Pilot Pat and Carrots in Costumes, but I’ll admit that I was way off here. For some reason, Sponge Boy doing air conditioning repair close to Dandenong just works. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s good stuff. I guess opening up the world really let the writers come up with some fresh ideas which will keep the show going for years to come.

I don’t know what I was talking about when I accused Jerry the steel wool of being an unoriginal character. He’s hilarious! Far better than Rick ever had the potential to be. I love that Jerry lives in a bottle, whereas Rick lived under a rock. That’s just boring. Living in a bottle is so genius. It opens up countless opportunities for comedy and is a great metaphor for the character.

When Sponge Boy went to do his last job for the year, helping people with their air conditioning near Cranbourne, I almost cried. It’s just so beautiful, seeing Sponge Boy help people get their cooling systems working again. It is a much more emotionally rewarding job than cooking burgers for people.

Of course, I’m being super sarcastic here. I still think that the new Sponge Boy direction is awful. If you disagree with me, that’s fine, but I would appreciate not getting threatening messages for expressing my opinion.

Exposing the Truth

Hi friends! It’s Benson Brabson here again, reporting for duty! If you didn’t catch my last guest post, let me fill you in on who I am and why you should care. I’m an up-and-coming documentary filmmaker with a hot connection to a top-secret laboratory said to be in cahoots with the World Bureau of Investigations.


What does that mean, exactly? It means I’m on a mission to expose the extraterrestrial happenings being concealed from the public by the so-called Bureau, and set straight the lies they’ve been feeding us to cover up the truth. And, uh, what is the truth, exactly? Well, thank you for asking. I’ll let you know just as soon as I’ve exposed it.


There’s a lot to organise. From research and preliminary interviews to marketing, video production and editing, not to mention distribution and fighting off the inevitable spectre of censorship, the project sometimes feels insurmountable. I know I’m up to it, though – I’m fuelled by a fiery belief that the truth is, indeed, out there.


When I say ‘out there’, I mean at the  lab in Geneva. This is the most pressing and difficult hurdle. Getting there would be hard enough at the best of times, let alone at a time when international travel is all but out of the question. Also, the current funding for the project is essentially my  savings, which totals about $2700. That would barely buy me a ticket to Switzerland, leaving nothing for essential production costs.


What if… what if I carried out my inquiry via Whoomble? You know Whoomble, right? It’s a video conferencing app that’s become popular with criminals, because it’s so secure. Not that I’ll be doing anything illegal, obviously, but I wouldn’t want my research calls getting into the hands of the Bureau.


Unfortunately, the video quality on Whoomble is pretty atrocious. For this plan to work, I’ll need to hire a video production company in Melbourne to fill out the visuals. In all honesty, the film will probably come out looking way better for it – I mean, have you seen what your average science lab looks like?


Stay tuned for more progress.

Brand New Car

Six months ago I wrote a blog post about teaching my boyfriend to drive. Well, to update you all, we have now been dating for three years and he successfully passed his driving test last week! I can’t explain enough how proud I am of him. He’s spent the last six months overcoming some really deep-seated fears and has come out the other side. He still has instances where he chooses not to drive, but when he needs to, he does! I think the longer he has his license the more he’ll choose to drive places rather than get public transport.

Over the last six months, he’s been really happy with how my car has driven. He’s chosen to buy a similar car to mine and maybe even visit the same car mechanic. I’m completely on board with this. I’ve always lived by the motto ‘don’t fix what ain’t broke’ which applies to this situation perfectly. We’ll be so cute with our matching cars parked side by side in the driveway. Oh, and by the way, we moved in together last month! It’s safe to say that things are going very well between the two of us. They say when you know you know… well, I know, and I think he does too.

He’s chosen to buy a brand new car, which I understand. He could buy a second-hand version of the car that I have, but I think he’ll feel safer knowing that the car is in a perfect condition and hasn’t been potentially messed up by the previous owner. He’s a really smart and cautious man, and I would never question any of his reasoning behind something this important. Once he’s bought the car, he’s going to immediately go and get his first auto service. Close to Moorabbin as my mechanic is, there’s a chance he may want to choose one of his own. That could be good for our relationship, I guess.

Confronting the Imposter

Given that Lucian in Tommy’s (my) body was ruining my business with his lack of marine welding knowledge, I didn’t have a choice but to take him out. It was the only option. I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand to see a single other blog post about confusing snapper racks for bow rails. What would you have done in my situation?

It was late in the day when I finally arrived at the Melbourne docklands, having spent most of the day travelling by public transport. With a baseball bat in hand, I made my way toward the boat and the imposter who had somehow gotten into my body. All my customers, seeking the best marine stainless steel fabrication service Melbourne has to offer, had gone home for the day, probably dissatisfied with the service. That would change when I was done with Lucian-Tommy. Or would it be better to call him Tommy-Lucian? I don’t know. This whole thing has been so confusing.

As I reached the front of my boat-shop, I gripped the baseball bat tight. This was it. The moment I’d end this ridiculous situation and get my shop back on track. I snuck onto the boat, listening out for any sign of the imposter. I heard him upstairs, wondering aloud what a bait board even did. Stepping through the doorway, I revealed my location. I struck the baseball bat in my hand, drawing the imposter’s attention.

“Lucian,” I said, “it’s time for this to end. I can’t take it anymore, reading about your failures with my marine welding shop. I think it’s time we took this outside.”

“Take this outside? You mean…”

“That’s right. I’m going to take you to a cafe and teach you all about marine welding so that you can cover for me until I work out how to lift this strange curse.”

Lucian tilted his head at me. “Oh, I thought you meant something completely different. What’s the baseball bat for, then?”

I shrugged. “I thought we could play a game of baseball after getting something to eat. I can see how that would be misleading, though.”

The Final Pieces

I continued walking along the beach until I came upon a cave in the cliffs. It seemed to go in deep, so far that light ceased to exist. I pulled out my phone, flicked on the flashlight and stepped inside. Would I find the missing bait board or snapper rack here?

With two of the objects I needed to gather from the destroyed remains of the Atlantis obtained, I was close to getting the power promised by the Heart of the Deep. So I headed into the cave without fear, intending to finish my quest as soon as possible.

I may have brought no more skills to the table than your average marine fabrication service near Melbourne, but here I was much more. I was an adventurer. A hero that would reunite the lost pieces of the Atlantis and be rewarded by a dark patron.

After about five minutes of walking through the dark caves, I entered a large cavern filled with treasure. Countless gold pieces glittering in my torchlight like stars. It was enough to make a man rich. But I didn’t have eyes for that. Instead, my heart leapt at the sight of a bait board

“So, you have almost done it.”

I nearly leapt out of my boots at the sound of his voice. I turned around and saw a figure in a long trench coat. In his hands, he held a shiny snapper rack. The last piece.

“Bravo, bravo, I say. You’ve almost united the four blessed pieces of the Atlantis and brought balance to the seas. Or at least, that’s what the Heart of the Deep told you, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Hand that over and let me complete my task.”

The man sighed. “You’re a fool, just as I once was. The Heart of the Deep has played you like a violin. I’ll be taking this piece, ensuring that it is never reunited with its siblings. Farewell, Gillan Neptune. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll go home and forget all about that vision you had.”

With a vicious sucking of the air, the man vanished. In his place, only a small object remained. A car service logbook?

– Gillan Neptune

What Colour Building?

I can’t believe this is really happening. Ms Delacour’s House of Music is almost open for business. I have almost achieved my lifelong dream. Well, I suppose it can’t really be a lifelong dream, since I only got the idea a few years ago, after seeing all those escape rooms that have become so popular. But hey, my multi-year dream has almost been achieved! 

The only thing that’s left to do is get the outside of the building painted. Obviously dark blue will be my choice of paint since that’s a colour which just screams music. Maybe because blues is a genre of music… Oh no, if I paint the wall blue, will everybody think this is a building that only embraces the blues? Maybe I should be choosing a different colour after all.

I’ll have to decide quickly because the best exterior painter around Melbourne is coming to paint the walls tomorrow. Before that, I’ll need to let him know about the change in colour so that he brings the right paint. What other colours could I do? What about black? No, that will have definite connections with emo, goth and punk music. White paint will just make me think of alternative rock because all the best alt-rock albums have white covers. Pink is the colour of pop. Red the colour of romance and love songs.

Maybe I should tell the commercial painting service to bring green paint? No, that would be terrible. It doesn’t even have musical connotations, but everybody knows that green is not a creative colour. I guess I might just have to go with either yellow or purple. Which would look best, painted on the outside of my building?

No, I’ve got it. The outside of Ms Delacour’s House of Music will be painted orange. It’s perfect. If that’s not a colour that tells people they can come inside and enjoy a variety of music-based puzzle rooms, I don’t know what is.

DIY Project Excitement

I can’t disclose why I’m confined to my home for the next six weeks, but unfortunately I am. I’m also out of a job for the next six weeks, and so I have nothing but free time for over a month. Now to a lot of people this may sound like heaven, but to me, this is my personal nightmare. There’s nothing I dislike more than lounging about doing nothing. It’s a waste of my time and talent.

So to combat the feeling that I’m lazy and good for nothing, which will inevitably wash through me by the halfway mark, I’ve decided to take up a new hobby. I’m going to start doing home DIY projects and build things to go around the house. Today is the last day I’m allowed to leave the house, so I’m going to the Hampton hardware store to buy as many tools and supplies as possible. I’m not really sure what I’m going to buy, I’m hoping that I’ll get inspired once I’m there.

I’m lucky enough to have plenty of disposable income, and I understand the importance of investing in my happiness so I’m more than willing to splurge at the hardware store today. This one shopping trip is going to set me up for the next six weeks, and so it’s got to be a big one. I think I’m going to buy some electrical supplies. Near Cheltenham, where I live, there aren’t anywhere near enough decorative fairy lights, so maybe I’ll make my own and start a trend among the other residents. It’ll be like making a statement that this is the new cool, and that everyone should follow. I’ve been known to have that effect on people before. 

I’m not looking forward to being stuck in the house for the next six weeks, but I am looking forward to seeing how many DIY projects I get under my belt. My house is going to be decorated from wall to wall by the end of all this.

Student Career Advice

There’s nothing more stressful to me than thinking about my future. I’m in year ten at the moment, and I’m struggling really hard to choose VCE subjects because I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just feel like I’ve spent the last ten years of my life asking teachers whether or not I can go to the bathroom, and all of a sudden I’m expected to make decisions that define the rest of my life. I’m really quite down and stressed about it.

I spoke to my parents about it and they’ve suggested that I get some student career path advice. Melbourne has so many opportunities for tertiary education or TAFE, so they understand why I’m anxious about making a decision and think talking about it with a professional would help. 

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it these past few months and I’m not even that much closer to making a decision. I know that deep down I would love to be an artist full time and move to the countryside and paint scenery pieces, but I also know that my parents wouldn’t consider that a proper career path and so it’s out of the question. I know that I definitely want to do VCE Art at school though, so at least I can enjoy one subject over the next two years. 

My parents have promised me that the decisions I make now won’t determine my whole life. It really does feel that way, but they’ve told me in the future I can always seek out some career change advice. Melbourne is a busy city, so they promised me that something out there would suit my skills and interests. I hope they’re right because I’m still quite overwhelmed.

I’m just going to try and enjoy the next two years of school without thinking too much about my future. I know that whatever happens happens, I just hope that what happens is something that I enjoy.

Windows Extravaganza

I can’t believe how successful our concept album Fixing Cars was! People really loved the down-to-earth depiction of a working-class mechanic, toiling through the Australian summer to make enough money to feed his family. It was even better than Buying and Selling. Naturally, we started on album number four straight away. At first, we thought that window tinting was the next big thing, but we were really struggling for inspiration with it. All we got was one good song from our recording sessions, which we released as a single, The Window is Dark Now.

Turns out people loved it. That made us review. Windows are popular, but tinting just didn’t feel right. Then I was struck by inspiration. What if we just made an album about windows in general? We could write songs like Replacement for Sash Windows and I Like My Coffee How I Like My Windows. I can feel it in my bones. This is the album that launches us to global stardom. The Cockroaches? Who are they? Music theory classes will revolve around the band Concept Artists. We’ll finally go diamond.

I’m loving the beat on Timber Window Replacement Near Melbourne, along with its killer guitar riff. Not to mention It’s Not Just A Computer, which is a genuine gem of a track. Forty-five minutes of pure bliss, and that’s just the intro. I’m thinking we’ll name this album Windows Extravaganza, so that people know exactly what they’re getting from the start. By the time you’re into the first of fifty awesome tracks, you’ll be swept along for the ride.

Tomorrow we’ll be playing our longest concert yet. We’ll be performing Buying and Selling, There Are Lots of Blocked Drains in Melbourne and Fixing Cars back to back to back. Only our most dedicated fans are going to be there, and they’ll know all the lyrics. I can’t wait to hear the roar of the crowd as we sing 5000 Wrenches in the Wind together. Things couldn’t be going better.