Regretful Air Conditioning

My boyfriend of almost four years is leaving me to follow his dreams. How can I begrudge him of that? Him leaving hurts so much though. I had to sit back and smile when he went to Canada on exchange and now I have to sit back and smile after he leaves me for two years. The thing is I don’t have any choice. I can’t be the girlfriend that stands in the way of what he wants or he’ll resent me forever. My hands are tied unless I break up with him, which I don’t want to do.

Ever since he found out that he got into the uni of his choice two weeks ago, he’s been obsessed about it. He keeps talking about share houses and making sure that I’m comfortable when I visit. He promised to get air conditioning services in Canberra every month before I come to visit, and I just had to smile and pretend that I didn’t want to cry. He was doing the right thing by trying to make me feel better, but it didn’t really help. I love a nice cold air conditioner just as much as the next person, maybe even more, but I love my boyfriend more. I don’t want an air conditioner, I want a boyfriend who lives in the same state as me.

If you can’t tell, I’m really struggling with this. This is my personal blog and if I’m being honest, it’s the only place I feel like I can safely vent without seeming like a bad girlfriend. I wonder how poorly people would think of me if I told them I didn’t care about my boyfriend owning air conditioner installation in Canberra, if it meant that he wasn’t going to be around.

People tend to view those who stop other people following their dreams really badly. I don’t want to be viewed badly by others, so I guess I’ll just be sad for the next two years straight.

Symbolic Shell Earrings

I’m going to be honest, I’m not totally sold on the whole earring making idea. It seems like a lot of effort and I don’t know enough about colours or design to make them look good. The ones that I saw at the market yesterday were stunning, and it would take me the rest of my life to make earrings that look that good. I told my daughter this and she rolled her eyes. She said ‘Isn’t that the exact reason you’re looking for a hobby anyway? You want to find something to do for the rest of your life?’. I hate when she’s right. 

And so, even though I don’t know if I want to be a part of the Melbourne made earrings scene for the rest of my life, I told my daughter I’d give it a go. My husband is really on board with this, he just wants me to find something that makes me happy. That’s what I want too, so even though I’m sceptical, I hope it’s this. 

My daughter and I are going to go shopping together for supplies next week. I love spending time with her and so I’m looking forward to it. It’s ironic actually that I spend the entire workweek looking forward to the weekend, only to dread the idea of an eternal weekend in less than a year’s time. Our brains work in mysterious ways.

I’m going to buy a lot of shells to make shell earrings with. I feel like shell earrings are something that will never go out of style, and I’d be happy to wear them myself, so it doesn’t matter if I make heaps and never sell them. The ocean has been a big part of my family’s life, and I think my daughter and husband will appreciate the symbolism of me choosing shells to decorate my earrings with. 

I’m getting a bit more excited about the project.

Overwhelming Dental Fear

I’m about to take you on a five-part recount of my life. My life has been filled with many ups and downs, including many triumphs and many failures, but the biggest triumph of my life to date was finally getting over my fear of dentists. It was only yesterday that I conquered my lifelong fear, and I’m going to take you back to the start of it, so you know just how much of a big deal this really is.

My fear of dentists started when I was six years old and it became apparent that my back molars weren’t going to form properly. They did X-rays and all that kind of stuff, which scared me enough as it was, but what really threw me over the edge was when they told my parents that I needed cosmetic dentistry services which involved needles and fillings and all-around terror. It was just too much for six year old me. I saw the massive needle they were about to put in my mouth and ran for the door faster than I had ever run before. I’ll never get the image of that gun looking thing out of my mind, even twenty years on.

About a year later I needed dental implants. Bayside, where I lived when I was young, was a great place to be, but the dentists were so on top of my treatment that I was petrified. I couldn’t help but think that they just liked sticking things in my mouth and making it go numb. I begged my parents not to make me get the implants because I seriously thought I’d die on the dentist’s chair. My fear got less intense over the years, seeing as I did eventually stop believing that I’d die from dental work, but it lingered in the front of my mind up until I conquered it yesterday. 

How did I conquer my fear you ask? See part two.

Changed My Mind

After my most recent blog post, I received a lot of hate messages. I claimed that the new direction of Sponge Boy was terrible and that it was spitting on the original concept of the show. My readers were quick to tell me that I was clearly just holding onto my nostalgic view of the old show, refusing to look for any good elements of the new show. I was told to watch the film that just came out without judging it so harshly, so I actually did.

And you know what? I’ll admit that I was wrong on this one. I still hate the idea of CGI Policeman Sam, Pilot Pat and Carrots in Costumes, but I’ll admit that I was way off here. For some reason, Sponge Boy doing air conditioning repair close to Dandenong just works. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s good stuff. I guess opening up the world really let the writers come up with some fresh ideas which will keep the show going for years to come.

I don’t know what I was talking about when I accused Jerry the steel wool of being an unoriginal character. He’s hilarious! Far better than Rick ever had the potential to be. I love that Jerry lives in a bottle, whereas Rick lived under a rock. That’s just boring. Living in a bottle is so genius. It opens up countless opportunities for comedy and is a great metaphor for the character.

When Sponge Boy went to do his last job for the year, helping people with their air conditioning near Cranbourne, I almost cried. It’s just so beautiful, seeing Sponge Boy help people get their cooling systems working again. It is a much more emotionally rewarding job than cooking burgers for people.

Of course, I’m being super sarcastic here. I still think that the new Sponge Boy direction is awful. If you disagree with me, that’s fine, but I would appreciate not getting threatening messages for expressing my opinion.

Exposing the Truth

Hi friends! It’s Benson Brabson here again, reporting for duty! If you didn’t catch my last guest post, let me fill you in on who I am and why you should care. I’m an up-and-coming documentary filmmaker with a hot connection to a top-secret laboratory said to be in cahoots with the World Bureau of Investigations.


What does that mean, exactly? It means I’m on a mission to expose the extraterrestrial happenings being concealed from the public by the so-called Bureau, and set straight the lies they’ve been feeding us to cover up the truth. And, uh, what is the truth, exactly? Well, thank you for asking. I’ll let you know just as soon as I’ve exposed it.


There’s a lot to organise. From research and preliminary interviews to marketing, video production and editing, not to mention distribution and fighting off the inevitable spectre of censorship, the project sometimes feels insurmountable. I know I’m up to it, though – I’m fuelled by a fiery belief that the truth is, indeed, out there.


When I say ‘out there’, I mean at the  lab in Geneva. This is the most pressing and difficult hurdle. Getting there would be hard enough at the best of times, let alone at a time when international travel is all but out of the question. Also, the current funding for the project is essentially my  savings, which totals about $2700. That would barely buy me a ticket to Switzerland, leaving nothing for essential production costs.


What if… what if I carried out my inquiry via Whoomble? You know Whoomble, right? It’s a video conferencing app that’s become popular with criminals, because it’s so secure. Not that I’ll be doing anything illegal, obviously, but I wouldn’t want my research calls getting into the hands of the Bureau.


Unfortunately, the video quality on Whoomble is pretty atrocious. For this plan to work, I’ll need to hire a video production company in Melbourne to fill out the visuals. In all honesty, the film will probably come out looking way better for it – I mean, have you seen what your average science lab looks like?


Stay tuned for more progress.

Brand New Car

Six months ago I wrote a blog post about teaching my boyfriend to drive. Well, to update you all, we have now been dating for three years and he successfully passed his driving test last week! I can’t explain enough how proud I am of him. He’s spent the last six months overcoming some really deep-seated fears and has come out the other side. He still has instances where he chooses not to drive, but when he needs to, he does! I think the longer he has his license the more he’ll choose to drive places rather than get public transport.

Over the last six months, he’s been really happy with how my car has driven. He’s chosen to buy a similar car to mine and maybe even visit the same car mechanic. I’m completely on board with this. I’ve always lived by the motto ‘don’t fix what ain’t broke’ which applies to this situation perfectly. We’ll be so cute with our matching cars parked side by side in the driveway. Oh, and by the way, we moved in together last month! It’s safe to say that things are going very well between the two of us. They say when you know you know… well, I know, and I think he does too.

He’s chosen to buy a brand new car, which I understand. He could buy a second-hand version of the car that I have, but I think he’ll feel safer knowing that the car is in a perfect condition and hasn’t been potentially messed up by the previous owner. He’s a really smart and cautious man, and I would never question any of his reasoning behind something this important. Once he’s bought the car, he’s going to immediately go and get his first auto service. Close to Moorabbin as my mechanic is, there’s a chance he may want to choose one of his own. That could be good for our relationship, I guess.

Confronting the Imposter

Given that Lucian in Tommy’s (my) body was ruining my business with his lack of marine welding knowledge, I didn’t have a choice but to take him out. It was the only option. I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand to see a single other blog post about confusing snapper racks for bow rails. What would you have done in my situation?

It was late in the day when I finally arrived at the Melbourne docklands, having spent most of the day travelling by public transport. With a baseball bat in hand, I made my way toward the boat and the imposter who had somehow gotten into my body. All my customers, seeking the best marine stainless steel fabrication service Melbourne has to offer, had gone home for the day, probably dissatisfied with the service. That would change when I was done with Lucian-Tommy. Or would it be better to call him Tommy-Lucian? I don’t know. This whole thing has been so confusing.

As I reached the front of my boat-shop, I gripped the baseball bat tight. This was it. The moment I’d end this ridiculous situation and get my shop back on track. I snuck onto the boat, listening out for any sign of the imposter. I heard him upstairs, wondering aloud what a bait board even did. Stepping through the doorway, I revealed my location. I struck the baseball bat in my hand, drawing the imposter’s attention.

“Lucian,” I said, “it’s time for this to end. I can’t take it anymore, reading about your failures with my marine welding shop. I think it’s time we took this outside.”

“Take this outside? You mean…”

“That’s right. I’m going to take you to a cafe and teach you all about marine welding so that you can cover for me until I work out how to lift this strange curse.”

Lucian tilted his head at me. “Oh, I thought you meant something completely different. What’s the baseball bat for, then?”

I shrugged. “I thought we could play a game of baseball after getting something to eat. I can see how that would be misleading, though.”

The Final Pieces

I continued walking along the beach until I came upon a cave in the cliffs. It seemed to go in deep, so far that light ceased to exist. I pulled out my phone, flicked on the flashlight and stepped inside. Would I find the missing bait board or snapper rack here?

With two of the objects I needed to gather from the destroyed remains of the Atlantis obtained, I was close to getting the power promised by the Heart of the Deep. So I headed into the cave without fear, intending to finish my quest as soon as possible.

I may have brought no more skills to the table than your average marine fabrication service near Melbourne, but here I was much more. I was an adventurer. A hero that would reunite the lost pieces of the Atlantis and be rewarded by a dark patron.

After about five minutes of walking through the dark caves, I entered a large cavern filled with treasure. Countless gold pieces glittering in my torchlight like stars. It was enough to make a man rich. But I didn’t have eyes for that. Instead, my heart leapt at the sight of a bait board

“So, you have almost done it.”

I nearly leapt out of my boots at the sound of his voice. I turned around and saw a figure in a long trench coat. In his hands, he held a shiny snapper rack. The last piece.

“Bravo, bravo, I say. You’ve almost united the four blessed pieces of the Atlantis and brought balance to the seas. Or at least, that’s what the Heart of the Deep told you, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Hand that over and let me complete my task.”

The man sighed. “You’re a fool, just as I once was. The Heart of the Deep has played you like a violin. I’ll be taking this piece, ensuring that it is never reunited with its siblings. Farewell, Gillan Neptune. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll go home and forget all about that vision you had.”

With a vicious sucking of the air, the man vanished. In his place, only a small object remained. A car service logbook?

– Gillan Neptune

What Colour Building?

I can’t believe this is really happening. Ms Delacour’s House of Music is almost open for business. I have almost achieved my lifelong dream. Well, I suppose it can’t really be a lifelong dream, since I only got the idea a few years ago, after seeing all those escape rooms that have become so popular. But hey, my multi-year dream has almost been achieved! 

The only thing that’s left to do is get the outside of the building painted. Obviously dark blue will be my choice of paint since that’s a colour which just screams music. Maybe because blues is a genre of music… Oh no, if I paint the wall blue, will everybody think this is a building that only embraces the blues? Maybe I should be choosing a different colour after all.

I’ll have to decide quickly because the best exterior painter around Melbourne is coming to paint the walls tomorrow. Before that, I’ll need to let him know about the change in colour so that he brings the right paint. What other colours could I do? What about black? No, that will have definite connections with emo, goth and punk music. White paint will just make me think of alternative rock because all the best alt-rock albums have white covers. Pink is the colour of pop. Red the colour of romance and love songs.

Maybe I should tell the commercial painting service to bring green paint? No, that would be terrible. It doesn’t even have musical connotations, but everybody knows that green is not a creative colour. I guess I might just have to go with either yellow or purple. Which would look best, painted on the outside of my building?

No, I’ve got it. The outside of Ms Delacour’s House of Music will be painted orange. It’s perfect. If that’s not a colour that tells people they can come inside and enjoy a variety of music-based puzzle rooms, I don’t know what is.

DIY Project Excitement

I can’t disclose why I’m confined to my home for the next six weeks, but unfortunately I am. I’m also out of a job for the next six weeks, and so I have nothing but free time for over a month. Now to a lot of people this may sound like heaven, but to me, this is my personal nightmare. There’s nothing I dislike more than lounging about doing nothing. It’s a waste of my time and talent.

So to combat the feeling that I’m lazy and good for nothing, which will inevitably wash through me by the halfway mark, I’ve decided to take up a new hobby. I’m going to start doing home DIY projects and build things to go around the house. Today is the last day I’m allowed to leave the house, so I’m going to the Hampton hardware store to buy as many tools and supplies as possible. I’m not really sure what I’m going to buy, I’m hoping that I’ll get inspired once I’m there.

I’m lucky enough to have plenty of disposable income, and I understand the importance of investing in my happiness so I’m more than willing to splurge at the hardware store today. This one shopping trip is going to set me up for the next six weeks, and so it’s got to be a big one. I think I’m going to buy some electrical supplies. Near Cheltenham, where I live, there aren’t anywhere near enough decorative fairy lights, so maybe I’ll make my own and start a trend among the other residents. It’ll be like making a statement that this is the new cool, and that everyone should follow. I’ve been known to have that effect on people before. 

I’m not looking forward to being stuck in the house for the next six weeks, but I am looking forward to seeing how many DIY projects I get under my belt. My house is going to be decorated from wall to wall by the end of all this.