Look Ute, Feel Ute

I should have thought twice before agreeing to go shopping with Trisha and Stephen. If I had, I might have realised that their idea of that activity differed somewhat from mine. See, I thought we would be hitting the mall, demolishing a few sales, grabbing a smoothie, doing some more window shopping, maybe catching a […]

Secret Hyperbaric Society

Well, I have to admit it, this was a pretty good idea after all. When Daniel first mentioned getting a portable hyperbaric chamber for the lodge, I thought he’d lost his mind. The funds in the treasury were low enough already and I honestly couldn’t see the use. But ever since we got one, it’s […]

Beach House Build

My boyfriend and I are at the peak of our professional careers so far. We are in our mid-thirties, and collectively we are earning the most money we’ve ever earned. As a result, we’ve decided to buy a property of land in a Victorian beach-side town, and we will build a home together that we […]

Family Betrayal!

I’m not happy. Not. Happy. Stan. And I’m especially not happy with you, Gran. I thought this family was united, all metaphorically linking arms and skipping into the sea to start a new life in a dome home. The boat’s all ready to go, I got Melbourne’s best stainless steel marine fabrication on the case […]

Free Driving Country

I’m really starting to get used to this version of Australia. For one thing, it’s free, as is travel. I’ve only ever seen cities other than Melbourne from afar, since, you know…we’re all locked in a bitter war with each other. In this world, you literally just flash a driver’s license to prove you’re the […]

Expand Your Mind

Why do people’s houses always end up looking exactly the same after renovations? I’m exaggerating, obviously, but seriously – try this simple exercise. Next time you visit a friend who’s renovated, notice the details like cabinet handles and light fittings, as well as general layout. Keep this in mind, and repeat. You’ll soon start to […]

Bay Tree Offering

“Crikey mate, watch out for that snake!” That’s what I said to my cameraman as we headed deep into the bush in search of the elusive drop bear. With a knife in one hand and a branch of the bay tree in the other, I crept around the slithery beast. I’ve fought crocodiles and emus, […]

Minimalist Space

Oh no, this is a disaster. Our office is completely ruined! I knew I shouldn’t have let Toby take control of the designs. I told him it was supposed to be space-themed, as in minimalist, but he thought I meant outer space-themed. I can’t believe this. Now the carpet is boring grey and all our […]

Obsessed With Glass

For some reason, my girlfriend has this thing for glass. I went to her house the other day, and there was just glass everywhere. Glass doors, glass windows, glass television, glass microwave. It’s crazy. I don’t know why she is so obsessed with it, but honestly, it’s starting to weird me out a little. Every […]

Powering Fort Citizen

I can’t believe Fort Citizen is actually taking off. Ever since I wrote that blog post, explaining how I thought it was immoral that we are forced to stay in the country of our birth, and how I have built a fortress and proclaimed it independent of Australia, people have been joining me here. They’re […]