Bay Tree Offering

“Crikey mate, watch out for that snake!” That’s what I said to my cameraman as we headed deep into the bush in search of the elusive drop bear. With a knife in one hand and a branch of the bay tree in the other, I crept around the slithery beast. I’ve fought crocodiles and emus, […]

Minimalist Space

Oh no, this is a disaster. Our office is completely ruined! I knew I shouldn’t have let Toby take control of the designs. I told him it was supposed to be space-themed, as in minimalist, but he thought I meant outer space-themed. I can’t believe this. Now the carpet is boring grey and all our […]

Obsessed With Glass

For some reason, my girlfriend has this thing for glass. I went to her house the other day, and there was just glass everywhere. Glass doors, glass windows, glass television, glass microwave. It’s crazy. I don’t know why she is so obsessed with it, but honestly, it’s starting to weird me out a little. Every […]

Powering Fort Citizen

I can’t believe Fort Citizen is actually taking off. Ever since I wrote that blog post, explaining how I thought it was immoral that we are forced to stay in the country of our birth, and how I have built a fortress and proclaimed it independent of Australia, people have been joining me here. They’re […]

Learning About Conveyancing

I’ve had so much work lately that we haven’t even gotten to start our next ‘Grottos and Goblins’ roleplaying game at work yet. I keep telling my staff to slow down, stop giving me so much stuff to read and sign, but they’re relentless! I’m starting to think that maybe they don’t actually want to […]

Missing King

Many people don’t know this, but Victoria technically has a monarchy. Not the British one, but an actual monarchy of its own. If the people of Victoria wanted it, they could become their own country with King Josiah at its head. He currently doesn’t have any constitutional power, but if five hundred thousand people agree […]

Cold Air Fox

It can get so hot out in the Australian bush, especially when you’re a fox. That’s why I like to make friends that can keep me cool. My latest friend is an old air conditioner that sticks out of a building. We chat a bit about the things that go on in his house, and […]

Musical Car Repair

Man, our last album was a total flop. It only hit platinum once, which is super disappointing. This is the lowest we’ve ever been as a band. After Buying and Selling, I thought we were on track to become the greatest band of all time. But only one million people bought There Are Lots of […]

Kinda The Worst

I am so sick of jazz. That’s all he ever plays, even though I’ve asked him to stop. But he always goes on about how he’s a “world famous, multi-millionaire jazz performer and has to practice”. The audacity! He might be famous, but I’m dead! Doesn’t he know that you’re supposed to let the dead […]

Personal Shopping Advocate

I’ll tell you what I’d like…  I’d like a buyers advocate to do my shopping, not just bid on buildings. I can see a real need in the market for it. Unfortunately I don’t have the skills to fill that need, but I’m putting it out there so that someone else can. I’m petitioning for […]